my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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