you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
