when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
