i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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