Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk is not a location!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
