if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
