Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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