look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
