Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
