someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
