Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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