the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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