Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
