I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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