Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
