Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
