About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
