I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
