i already hear my dad disowning me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
