she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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