Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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