the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
