I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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