She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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