They should really pass out barf bags in church
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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