Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
