You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
