I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize