i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
