sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
