I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
