im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize