I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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