WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
