Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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