Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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