I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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