It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The air taste purple.
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