Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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