I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
