Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
