Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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