I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
