I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
