let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
