i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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