i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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