i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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