need another drink. this is the easiest way
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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