My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
