I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't notice because vodka
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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