So drunk its hurt
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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