maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
