Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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