My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they need to just BURY HIM!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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