Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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