Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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