You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
