The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
