Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
