There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
