We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
