this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
