i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
