no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
