brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
