omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everything about him screamed your future.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
