Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize