I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
