Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
