No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
