i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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