Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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