do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
