So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
