Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
