just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
